I will start this out getting right to the point. Men we have got to start treating our wives and our daughters with the honor and respect they deserve. There are many ways in which we need to do this, and I plan do address them all over the next few weeks. Today however I am attempting to tackle one of the many issues we face; lust, and how we handle it. We have all heard sayings like “just because I’m married does not mean I have to quit window shopping”, or “as long as I look and not touch, all is ok.” These are said by men trying to make an excuse for their lack of control.
First it is sinful to lust after anyone. But I say unto you, that whosoever looked on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
(Mat 5:28) When we look at a woman lustfully men we are in sin. When you find your self staring at a woman in awe of her body, we are in sin. As I have talked through the years about this, I explain that we can admire a woman’s beauty without lusting. As a rule if you are looking at a woman’s face and think she is very beautiful, this is not lust, but the moment our eyes and mind wander bellow the neck, it becomes lust, and we are in sin.
Many marriage counselors will say the number one reason for divorce is money. I would say that money issues are symptoms and are used as a scapegoat far too many times. The problem is that spouses become discontent, and resentful of the other, and when issues like money, come into play it is the perfect way out.
Ask most men if they are resentful of their wife, and they will say no. But then ask them what they would change, and they are quick to give you a few things, if not a bucket load of things. Where do we get this list? We get it from years of looking at women; both in real life, and in the media. We are so bombarded with what we are told women to be that when our wives can’t meet that standard we become resentful; most of the time unknowingly.
When one talks of men viewing images of other women, we immediately think of adult magazines and websites. Yes what most consider porn is addictive and destructive, but we must look closer at what pornography is. Merriam-Webster defines pornography as: the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement. Anything that geared to cause sexual thoughts and excitement is by definition pornography. This includes much of what is on network TV. From primetime sitcoms, to simple commercials, porn is embedded. How many marketing campaigns use scantly clad women to sell their products? This is porn. Think popular magazines like Maxim, SI Swimsuit, Cosmo, etc, are anything less than porn then think again.
Let’s face it a mother of multiple kids normally will never be able to have the body of a supermodel, just as you will never have the cut body that we base our image on. When you look at an image, then look at your wife, you mind begins to think “why can’t my wife look like this.” Whether we like it or not when we fill our minds with these images, they come out when we look at our wives. Over time resentment builds, because they are not living up to the airbrushed image that our mind has said is the perfect image. This leads not only to us growing discontent with and resentful of our wives, but it also makes one vulnerable to infidelity.
Men whether it be while on the internet, looking at a magazine, watching women as they pass by, movies, or gazing at bikini clad women on the beach, we must guard ourselves.
Dealing with this issue, is an emergency the church must deal with immediately. The consequences of letting it go any further will be disastrous, thus the actions needed to be taken might need to be drastic as well.
Let’s start with the internet. First and foremost put a filter on your internet K9 by bluecoat is free and works great. Not only does it filter, but it provides a trail of sites visited. Filters are just the beginning, and again should be on all computers. The next step is simple accountability. Have someone that will hold you accountable. It may mean you cancel your internet, or in a worse case scenario, throw out the computer. You say oh I couldn’t, I use it for this or for that, or my kids use it for school, etc. I did not say it is not at a cost, but what is more important the fact that your child has a computer for school, or the fact that their daddy is addicted to pornography. Most men don’t sit down at the computer with dreams of surfing porn, they start out on email, and then next thing they know you are looking at things that their eyes have no business viewing. Again if it is an issue, the computer must go without hesitation. It simply is not worth it. Men I beseech you would you trade your computer for your wife and your children? Eventually you will have to choose.
Now on to the TV. Shows today are geared at enticing our sexual desires, not only by imagery, but by the actions as well. Not only are the characters dressed in ways that are immodest, and inappropriate, the way they act fills our minds with lies how men and women are suppose to relate with one another. Women are supposed to dress scantly, and men are to ogle at them with mouths open is the image that Hollywood is not only selling, but has successfully sold. I am not saying that Christians must throw out there TV sets, but if it is causing you to sin, then it is time to trash it. What would you do if you walked in and found two strangers making out, or having sex in your living room? If you are like me then throwing them out the door would be the most gentle of ways that it would be handled. This is exactly what goes on when we allow this over the TV. Many say they would like to get rid of it, but then they would not know what was going on in the world. Let me tell you that as one that has no TV, yet is more informed about news (not to be confused with gossip) than 90% of Americans, this is a lie. Men you must be the one that stands and says I will not stand for this garbage in my life nor my home any longer. It is up to you to rid your house of this. God has ordained you (like it or not) as the head of your home. It is your responsibility to make sure that everything entering it is not only wholesome, but God honoring as well. As King Josiah did in 2 chronicles 34, it is time we tear down the asherim poles in our home. If we don’t, mark my words, they will destroy us.
Thus far I have written this to married men, and some reading this will say but I am not married yet. For you that are unmarried, the way you are viewing women now will and I mean WILL be carried into your marriage. The images you view in private on the internet now, will stay with you, and resurface in areas such as the marriage bed. Not to mention that the person you are looking at is not your wife. If you keep your eyes and mind from such garbage you simply will not have anything to compare your spouse to, thus you can love her for who she is, instead of despising her for who she is not.
Men do not train their boys to view women in this nature. Men do not train their daughters to accept the role the media and culture has prepared for them. Men do not try and get pleasure from another man’s wife. Men do tell their boys to keep both their eyes and their hands of any woman that is not married to them. Men do tell their daughters that they are to cover themselves modestly, and that there virtue is to be honored. Men do tell their wives that they are the only one; both physically and emotionally. Men tell there wives and children these things not just verbally, but also by how they act. Do your sons and daughters catch you looking at other women? If they do they will view this behavior acceptable. Does your wife know by not only your words but by your actions as well that she is the center of your life? Or does she have to worry that she does not compare to the women in your head?
I will be tackling this issue more in depth in the very near future, as well as other issues that are destroying the definition of manhood. Porn is not funny, porn is not glamorous, porn is destructive, porn is addictive, and porn is of Satan. Be it hard porn of the internet and magazines, or the soft porn flowing into our homes via accepted mean of transportation i.e. TV, movies, music. Soft or hard, porn is porn, it is sinful, and real men have nothing to do with it.
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